Memory
by rainxface
Summary: a song-fic of faxness. It's a slow start, but it gets there. Song is "Memory" by Sugarcult. R&R, please. PS: first ff with TOTAL! haha
1. Part One: Memory

Memory

**Memory  
****By Rainxface**

**So, I know it seems like I have disappeared for a while (possibly even DIED), but –ALAS! – here I sit, my laptop in front of me, and Sugarcult music playing rather loudly in the morning.**

**Just as a quick recap of my absence: I have been off writing an actual novel. A four chapter preview is up on my ficitonpress account (also rainxface). So check that stuff out once you finish reading this.**

**Disclaimer: Sugarcult- Memory; JP-MR; rainxface-ideas?**

**PS: yes, I still have stupid writer's block on ****A Guitar and a Voice**

_This may never start.  
We could fall apart.  
And I'd be your memory.  
Lost your sense of fear.  
Feelings insincere.  
Can I be your memory?  
_

Another quick stop. Another garbage diving experience. When the hell would our lives get easier, let alone normal? Garbage diving was not a normal thing for little fourteen year old kids to be doing just to have a meal for a week. I slumped against the cold brick wall. Max joined me.

"What did you find?" she asked, almost brightly, as she bit into her glob of mush. I shrugged.

"An old burger, fries, and what I think was supposed to be an apple," I replied. I bit in the wanna-be apple. It was not the greatest – by far not – but it was food to keep me going for however long it was going to take us to get somewhere.

"I don't even know what I accomplished," she laughed, her voice light and nearly carefree. "But, hopefully its edible." Max started eating her mush. I watched as the others were still scrounging around fore their own food. Angel was lucky and found something that looked new – a hot dog, maybe – but held nothing else. Gazzy was helping Iggy, but at the same time, piling up for himself. Nudge was trying not to look grossed out, but a small squeak was sounded from her every once in a while.

I finished my 'meal' rested my eyes. Every time I closed my eyes, bright mental photographs of Max and the girls flooded my mind, them being gone and away from the guys and me. Max appeared to be stressed, the time of working with the kids was not in her favor for once. It really hurt to watch her be like that.

"Fang? You okay?" her melodic voice broke through my trance. My eyes immediately popped open. Light was exposed to my eyes too quickly. I squinted to see anything.

"Huh? Oh, yeah," I said. "Why?"

"You looked like something wasn't right." She tucked her hair behind her ear. She turned back to look at the others, now eating their own treasures. I nodded to no one but myself.

12344321

That night, we stayed in a small forest, the dark trees shielding us from seeing the sky. I was on watch, but I knew Max still wasn't asleep. I was sitting a couple of feet away from her, but not far enough away to see the pain etched on her forehead. Without a doubt, she was listening intently on any unsuspected movement. I wanted to take that away from her.

"Max," I whispered. "Max." She started stirring, as if she was actually asleep. "Max, I know you've been up. Please come and sit with me at least." She sighed, but obeyed without anger.

_  
So get back, back, back to where we lasted.  
Just like I imagine.  
I could never feel this way.  
So get back, back, back to the disaster.  
My heart's beating faster.  
Holding on to feel the same.  
_

She sat next to me on the log, overlooking the sleeping figures. The fire crackled a few times. I wrapped my arm around her protectively almost. She leaned her head onto my shoulder.

"Max, what am I going to do with you?" I asked playfully. I smiled lightly, just to please her. "I mean, staying up all night just for five silly kids and their dog? And even when one of them is still on watch!" I chuckled. I felt her face smile, and I looked down. Her eyes followed toward mine. I leaned my head in close, our noses merely inches away. I felt her breath tickled my teeth. I felt both of our hearts beat wildly.

"Why did you leave me, Fang?" she asked suddenly. I was not taken aback. I had been waiting, patiently, as the days passed by, for her to ask that question. I did not want to randomly say why I left her; I knew it would have broken her to pieces.

"You were with Ari. And no offense to the kid, but I didn't trust him. I didn't want him anywhere near the kids. And I'm sorry." I paused, watching for her to be in uncontrollable rage.

She stayed the same.

"And you wanted to save the world. I thought that the world could have saved itself. Not to say that I didn't think you could have done it – God, no! – I just thought that you shouldn't have to be the one to save everyone in the cost of your own life." I closed my eyes, in fear of hers trying to pierce burns into mine.

Minutes passed as silence surrounded us.

Finally, her hands, cold but caressing, cupped my face, my eyes opening. Her brown eyes were sweet, their main color the brown of fresh coffee. Her face was soft, her expression light.

"Fang…," she whispered. Her thumb stroked my cheek and a small tear fell down her face. I wiped it away. Her arms wrapped around me. I returned the hug, holding her head close to my chest.

_  
This may never start.  
I'll tear us apart.  
Can I be your enemy?  
Losing half a year.  
Waiting for you here  
I'd be your anything.  
_

Lightly, we rocked together, back and forth. If I could, I would have frozen time just like that. Holding her in my arms felt so right. Her face suddenly appeared before mine, eyes set wide and hopeful. Of what, I had no clue. Her eyes gleamed in the shadow of the fire. I leaned in, slowly, centimeters at a time, before stopping a couple of centimeters from her lips.

The unexpected happened.

Max closed what little space was left. Fire and ice raced through me. Nothing was coherent in my vision. Slowly, my eyes closed. But, as any of our other kisses have gone, Max suddenly broke off.

But she didn't run.

She sat back, recomposed herself a little, and then stared at the fire. And although she was trying to hide it, I saw the littlest hint of a smile on her face. I couldn't help but to grin at her. Her cheeks were a shade of red, matching the tan tone of her face.

I, too, sat back, my arms supporting behind me. And, I, too, watched at the fire slowly died.

12344321

The sun started rising around five-thirty. The fire had died by that time. Max had 'accidentally' fallen asleep on me. I was the only one awake. The cold, frosty air bit at my bare skin. It was supposed to be summer, but it acted as winter.

I held Max closer to me.

The dying night and the growing day, both made me curious. Curiosity, they say, is what killed the cat. But by the fact of me not being even partly cat, it does entitle me to becoming a murder victim of curiosity. And this may sound like babble, but it is not. I'm curious of Max. Not in the perverted way, but what could happen between us.

The night brings wonders. And the day brings joys. Both cannot last, but neither can cease. Metaphorically speaking, if we were to break that night and day rule, we could have eternal passion.

I smiled.

Max began to wake up, and I fell limp as if I were sleeping.

_  
So get back, back, back to where we lasted.  
Just like I imagine.  
I could never feel this way.  
So get back, back, back to the disaster.  
My heart's beating faster.  
Holding on to feel the same.  
_

The next night, the six of us (seven if you include Total) were perched around the fire. Max was next to me, Angel to her other side, and it came all the way around to Iggy on my other side. Bad jokes were being told from everyone. But, no matter how bad they were, we still laughed at the stupidity.

And yes, even I laughed.

The atmosphere was light, the fire glowed brighter then natural, and more stars could be seen above. All together, it was a fairly nice summer night. But nothing can last forever, sadly. Because I would have wanted that night to last.

The others fell asleep pretty fast, only Max and me being the two left awake. Crickets, wherever they lay, chirped loudly. Faint hoots were echoed from far off owls. Soft snores sounded from our flock. Max rested her head on my shoulder.

"Don't you wish for some moments to last?" she asked, moving her head to look at me a few minutes later.

"Yes," I said. "All the time." She nodded in agreement. My arm wrapped around her small figure. Her eyes, still locked with mine, closed lightly. She was not sleeping, but listening closely. I wanted to ask her what she was listening for, but I didn't want to interrupt her.

I, too, then closed my eyes.

I listened hard, anything besides the calming nature. Minutes passed, but I couldn't hear anything.

Then, soft lips, who I knew belonged to one girl, met mine. Both of my arms were now wrapped around her waist. As seconds ticked by, I waited to see if Max would stop.

She didn't.

Fire burned where she kissed me. Ice was left where my blood flowed. Her arms were around my neck, and they didn't let go as her lips left. Our heads were resting together, our breaths coming in quick and sharp.

12344321

The next morning, and Max was grabbing food out of our packs, we acted as if it was a normal night. Everyone ate their breakfast in silence.

_  
This may never start.  
Tearing out my heart.  
I'd be your memory.  
Lost your sense of fear.  
(I'd be your memory)  
Feelings disappeared.  
Can I be your memory?  
_

As we were in the air, directed in the who-knows-where-the-heck-we're-going direction, Max and I were flying side by side. It was calm, the two of us flying together without a care in the world.

"That never happened." I looked at Max. Confusion panicked my senses, but I held my façade. "That thing never happened. It couldn't have."

I couldn't even muster up a light, "Why?"

I looked her in the eye. She wasn't lying. She wasn't joking. She was serious.

"We can't do that to them. Do you know what would happen if we continued that?" she pressed.

I could only lie and nod.

I fell back in our group, taking up the rear. My heart, so strong I had thought, was now tearing. I'm not trying to sound emo, but it did hurt. What we had, or so I had thought we had, were mere mirages. Dreams. Not memories.

I sulked for the rest of the flight. And some more once we arrived at Dr. Martinez's house. What had driven Max to take us there, I did not know. I was zoning at the time of the decision.

We sat in the big family room, where everyone was huddled around Max, except me. Although I was acting off, no one doubted my façade. I sat in the back, only hearing the important stuff, not caring about the other stuff.

When asked what I wanted for dinner, I accidentally gave Dr. M the glare. Max and Dr. M just sound so much a like that I didn't fully register who was talking to me. And when I did learn it was Dr. M, I didn't even apologize.

I was pissed.

Dinner came and went without a memory. Everyone had to share the living room as a place to sleep. We were squished, to say the least. Angel and Gazzy were lucky with the couch; Nudge had the arm chair, which left Iggy, Max, and me on the floor. And with the limited amount of space on the floor, I was luckily (sarcasm) placed next to Max.

I tried moving over to the far end of our shared space, but still I was less than an inch away from her. That just added to my anger.

_  
So get back, back, back to where we lasted.  
Just like I imagine.  
I could never feel this way.  
So get back, back, back to the disaster.  
My heart's beating faster.  
Holding on to feel the same.  
_

I waited as everyone drifted off into their own dream lands. The girl that had broke my heart lay awake, as every night she had. It hurt me even more to be next to her, waiting to talk to her.

I wanted to talk to her. It was weird to hate her, but love her so dearly at the same time. And that's what made me want to talk to her.

As she turned – faking to move in her sleep – I tried moving over more, as if her skin was acidic. I waited moments to pass. I finally mustered the nerve.

"Max?" I asked. She didn't move or anything. "Max. I know you're awake. I need to talk to you. I need to talk to you as a best friend."

Still nothing.

"Fine. Be stubborn." And with that, I turned and stole all of the blankets that we had to share. She gasped loudly, her arms flailing for the sheets. I held on tightly to the whole of the material.

"Fang! What the heck is wrong with you?" she whisper-screamed. Her eyes shot to mine before looking away a millisecond later.

"Just talk to me. What is wrong?" I demanded. I held the blanket hostage, still.

She stared at me. Her eyes were almost glossed over. She was mad, yes, but there was something else in her eyes. Something that she probably wanted to hide from me just in case.

She was right.

"Max, please, tell me."

Silence.

"Goddammit. Tell me. Please."

"Nothing is wrong," she said quietly.

I let out my breath. I lightly smiled at her. "Thank you for finally talking. But, please, I know something is wrong. Tell me."

More silence.

_  
This may never start.  
We could fall apart  
And I'd be your memory.  
Lost your sense of fear.  
Feelings insincere.  
Can I be your memory?  
Can I be your memory?_

"Please." I sighed and looked away for a moment. "I won't stop bugging you until you tell me."

A sigh and wrinkling material.

"We're nothing. We can't be."

**No, I am not a faxness hater. I just thought it would be good to write out something that was not in my general genre of fax. Love or hate it, you know Max would do that.**

**Gots to go!**

**Smiles  
****Rainxface**

**PS: about 2,500 words.**


	2. Part Two: Reverse This Curse

Part two: Reverse This Curse

**Part two: Reverse This Curse**

**By Rainxface**

**So, I've gotten half-complaints about Memory, so I have to continue it… (sigh, the thought of writing just makes me so mad!! (sarcasm, please)). Hopefully you enjoy this more than Memory. If not, then SUCK IT!**

**Disclaimer: "Reverse This Curse" is from Escape the Fate, Maximum Ride is from James Patterson's wicked mind, and the plot details are all of my own (please don't steal!).**

_A withered past and a blurry future,  
My hearts on an auction,  
It goes out to the highest bid.  
_

I didn't sleep that night. My brain was frozen, my heart unbeating. The whole of the sun rising in the morning did not register in any of my few thoughts. No feelings were recognized as the night to morning progressed.

I was a hologram, almost. A robot, maybe more accurate.

Once the morning meal arrived, I tried to snap out of it. My eyes, unseeing but my only guides, were strained through the bright early day lights. With my reputation already being a fair façade, I had almost nothing to worry about.

But, with the ignorant girl, being our leader, and I, wanting to try and not talk to her for as long as I possibly could, the morning would not be normal – to any standard. The silence as the two of us woke up until the passing of breakfast food was awkward. The tension of us not even looking at each other – let alone eye contact –was painful for the others to watch, I'm sure.

Though, why they would understand what was going on was not in my explanation. Angel didn't seem interested in our minds as it appeared in the morning.

And the day did not improve as it wore on.

_  
I live to fast, and I know I will lose her,  
But there is an option, to die is to live in her head.  
So I'll hang on, never let go.  
I dug this pain into my chest.  
_

That girl and I acted against each other. Not in a noticeable way, though. It was subtle, if not only in our imaginations, that it happened. She wouldn't talk to me and I wouldn't talk to her. It was almost even in a way.

Yet, not.

The flock suffered from our individualism. I wanted to go my own way, but as I had promised that girl: I wouldn't leave her again. No matter how big a fight we had or whatever. I would not put her through that amount of misery. I would return to her soon there after, only to have a repeat of the nasty episode.

Did I want that? No.

Did I deserve that? No.

Did she? Maybe.

But, as much as I hate it myself, I still wanted her. I wanted her heart and soul. Was that cheesey? Yes. Do I care? Hell no. It's the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth!

If that girl wanted me – even _ever_ – would I give a care right now? Probably not. I would have to find a way to torture her without technically torturing her. The sad truth of me; the sad price that I had to pay for my sanity.

No one saw anything wrong with us. Even with me being extra quiet, and her snapping at the simplest statements and questions. How bad of snapping, I wouldn't know. I walked out of the room when she entered the same one as me.

_  
It's dead  
One last chance to reverse this curse,  
You stole my heart but I had it first.  
And now I see you've got something to prove,  
And nothing to lose, so let me tell you the truth.  
_

Iggy tried to talk to me. He started with the cliché, "How's the weather today?" but soon gave up as he realized I wouldn't budge. He thought nothing of it.

My eyes were starting to gloss over, practically. I could feel the dryness as I blinked the few times. I thought hard, but mainly rubbish.

A quick thought struck me: What if she was actually trying to tell me something else. Maybe – and this ripped me hard as I thought it – maybe she liked someone else.

I shifted around on the seat in my room.

It would be impossible, but it was still worth something. I made up my mind.

I shoved myself out of my corner seat and stormed out to the living room. She watched blankly as the television screen flashed different colors. I stood in front of the screen. Her blonde hair bobbed around as she searched around me to the show she pretended to watch.

It was just a way to show that she didn't care.

"I need to talk to you," I said lowly, my eyes trying not to move away from her. She didn't look at me.

"I said, 'I need to talk to you,'" I repeated. She sighed and looked in my general direction, not at me. Her eyes were annoyed, although that could have just been me.

"What?" Bitterness.

"Why?" I asked quietly. I couldn't go far into details. It was bad enough to ask why with my voice almost breaking.

_  
A deadly wish but it should've come sooner,  
A corpse in a funeral that I would never attend.  
There is a light on in the back of this house,  
But you're not around, to die is to live in her head._

_So I'll hang on, never let go.  
I dug this pain into my chest.  
_

As I stood there, waiting for her answer, I nearly died. The tension between the two of us was unbearable, and I almost wished for it to never have occurred. But that would not teach me what I know today.

And it would not have given me the pleasure of the memories I now withheld. To know the feel of soft lips as pink as hers resting upon mine, and the chills that crawled up and down my spine as we held each other so dearly, so delicately. It was worth every moment of the affair.

"Outside. Now." Her voice cut, sharp as a newly sharpened executioner's ax. Her motions out to the back yard were almost as pristine. We walked, far into the forest beyond the small house. I kept my distance – a solid five feet away.

She hissed under her breath.

"I really can't explain it as well as I should be able to," she started. It surprised me; her voice was not a dagger, but soft, caring. She fiddled with her fingers, stretched far down in front of her. "If the flock, if my kids – practically – ever found out, they would be joyous. That would be wonderful, I'm not lying. But if a fight were to break, what would happen then? You promised me to never leave again."

I nodded, no voice mustered from beyond.

"Do you not care if that were to be the future case?" She stopped in her tracks; the only sounds now were the occasional hawk, screeching towards its nest.

"I do care. I do care about the future for the flock. They are like children to me, too."

"Really? Cause it really doesn't seem to look that way," she snapped. I subconsciously took a step back. For the first time, I noticed her eyes had yet to look at mine. I attempted to keep contact, but lost it every couple of seconds.

_  
It's dead  
One last chance to reverse this curse,  
You stole my heart but I had it first.  
And now I see you've got something to prove,  
And nothing to lose so let me tell you the truth.  
_

"Can you at least try to calm down for the smallest moment and look me in the eye?" I begged. "Please?"

"Why? So I can look into the face of another façade? Tell me, if I look at you, will I see the truth or another lie? Tell me, before I look." Her eyes, still not meeting mine, wandered everywhere, taking in the slightest detail of each tree that we stood by.

"I won't lie. I won't lie to you. Never."

Slowly, as if just to torture me, her eyes gazed into mine. Her eyes did not advert immediately; her eyes did not advert at all. They did not express anything, blocking me from an answer. I did not block mine, however. I meant what I said, and I would never go against my word with her.

Minutes ticked as hours, the subtle wind howling each second out. I stood in the breeze, hiding her from it. I waited for her final reaction.

Arms, small and strong, wrapped around me. Her body pressed against mine. Hot, wet tears leaked onto my black shirt. All so quick, I found myself also engaging in the embrace.

I didn't want to leave her – I never did – but I knew that we could not keep up the silly game. She would want to depart me, not for the sake of her, but for the sake of others. True, it lay up to most both of us, but there would be our times. I was sure of it.

"I'm sorry," she whispered. I couldn't say anything, and so badly I wanted to kiss her.

What were the chances of her running off again if I did kiss her?

Fairly big.

So I held her. Held her and didn't let go.

"I have to tell you something, and if I don't, I will probably accidentally kill myself for not telling you," I said, moving my head to rest on hers, but still embrace her.

_  
So, this goes, out to, the ones that fall in love,  
And to, the girl, that filled my dark.  
Last night I had the weirdest dream,  
That you and I drove off the darkest streets,  
Passing through these city lights,  
Closure for the kids that died.  
_

"I shouldn't be saying this, but I have to," I continued. Her expression was confusion, squished up a bit. "I really like. Really, really like you." I paused and waited for anything from her.

Nothing came.

"I love you."

Her breath was audibly caught in her lungs. Shock set in moments later and she couldn't do anything. Opening and closing her mouth, the only voice she could muster was a popping croak.

"Don't reply, because it's silly of me to even say that," I told her. I still held onto her. I wouldn't let her go. I brought her head back onto my chest and I laid my head on hers, her soft hair padding my cheek. I stroked her hair lightly.

Tears were falling out, but I didn't stop them. I didn't have the guts to stop the tears of reality.

I felt a splash of something fall on me. I looked up and rain clouds covered the sky. It was mid-spring, the weather being crazy and whacked out in the Arizona deserts. I smiled and told the girl attached to me. She smiled, too.

The rain came down heavy seconds later, drowning away our tears and warmth. We ran through the forest, our hands linked. We weaved through the trees, and water didn't miss a single spot on us.

As we finally reached the back door, we were both soaked head to toe. We laughed.

"You two need to come inside before you get sick!" her mom yelled, seeing us outside for the first time. "And you two lead these kids?! I do not want to be taking care of you guys if you're sick!"

"We won't get sick," the girl said happily. We stepped into the house and her mom greeted us with towels. We dried ourselves off and then sat on the couch in the empty living room.

_  
One last chance to reverse this curse,  
You stole my heart but I had it first,  
And now I see you've got something to prove,  
And nothing to lose so let me tell you the truth.  
_

"Best friends, still?" she asked quietly. She was leaning on me and I had my arm wrapped around her. I smiled and nodded. If anything, we could still talk to each other with every problem that we have.

_  
So, this goes, out to, the ones that fall in love.  
And to, the girl, that filled, my, dark._

**Cheesey ending? Yes. Weird plot line? Sure. Amazing song? HELL YES.**

**I had fun writing this. It was amazing experience to try and look through Fang's PoV on how he felt about Max. I tried a different technique of writing (its not a big difference, but there is a difference) where I only imply that he's talking about Max because when my last BF and I broke up, he never said my name while referring to me to other people (our friends are the same and tell me what he says about me and it sickens me so). So, I used that as a nice inspiration in writing.**

**Hope you enjoyed it!**

**Smiles,**

**rainxface**

**PS: NO OTHER SEQUEL NO MATTER HOW MANY REQUESTSS!!**


End file.
